butterflies & skipping heartbeats

Storm

2012-01-21T01:32:00.001+04:00

" And once the storm is over you won’t how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about. "

- Haruki Murakami

one of the things

2012-01-13T03:41:00.000+04:00

.. maybe, one day you would understand.
but i just don't know when.

and maybe, one day you would see.
that nobody loves you like me.

enough

2011-12-19T15:15:00.002+04:00

surprisingly no Monday blues for me this week. all i feel is, hopeful.
not entirely happy, but content.
not satisfied, but grateful.
not exactly there yet, but definitely heading in that direction.
not completely thrilled with the idea of life, but enough to keep me going.
and sometimes, that's all you need.

kind and wise words from people around me, that's how i get by.

this post was supposed to be published on Monday.
a lot of things have changed ever since.
still hopeful, though.

happy things

2011-12-15T01:43:00.004+04:00

just because these voices in my head are telling me that this little space needs some positive vibes.the superficial side of me instantly thought of heels. you gotta agree with me, they generates positives vibes, in a way.

I WANT THEM ALL !!!

Please & Thank You :)

i wish

2011-12-13T21:43:00.000+04:00

confession booth

2011-12-02T04:17:00.001+04:00

trust me when i say, this is as honest as it gets.

i hate the person that i am today. i hate the fact that i am bitterly negative about life and all that comes with it. i hate that i've lost faith, i once knew i had. i hate that i can't find it in my heart to trust people around me, at least not anymore. i despise my paranoia, my insecurities, my jealousy, my inability to control my emotions. i hate that i'm giving people the chance to notice and ask "what's wrong with you?", when i'm doing my best to hide it. i hate that i can no longer keep it together, and faking a smile seems harder these days. i hate that i put my guard down, only to be let down, again and again. i hate that no matter how hard i try, it's still not enough. it never will be.

but am i to blame?

it's not like i intentionally chose to feel this way. what i need is simple. a reason. something to believe in, someone to restore my faith and make me realize that there is such thing as the rainbow after the rain, there's good things after the pain. that there are still genuine people out there with good intentions. i want people to say things only when they mean it. i want to feel adequate, i want to feel like i'm good enough. because i try. i try to give my all, and i expect nothing less in return.

guess it's true when they say, people disappoint.

i'm running low on positive energy. but one thing i still have, despite only a pinch of it, is hope. and hope is all we can do sometimes.

and speaking of hope, i hope this, whatever this is, will end soon. i miss my happy self.

i'm aware of the fact that i might regret my brilliant idea of a confession at 4 in the morning. but some things, they just need to be let out of my system. keeping it all bottled up inside will do nothing but make matters worse.

i feel lighter.

goodnight, world.

if you want to be happy, be

2011-12-01T14:33:00.001+04:00

My dear,

Do not let someone else dictate your happiness.
If you want to be happy, be.
If you want to be overjoyed, be.
If you feel the good spirits upon you, let them overwhelm you.

-Leo Tolsoy

why now ?

2011-11-15T16:05:00.001+04:00

i'm not ready for this.

i can almost hear my heart breaking.

but i will always remember to smile.

that's just me :)

let's skip reality

2011-11-10T13:36:00.001+04:00

and so, it started snowing the day before yesterday.

winter's here and we all know what that means. it's hibernation season where the only two activities that appeal to you is SLEEP and EAT. depression automatically kicks in, and leave you feeling helpless and simply, disconnected. funny how the weather plays such an important psychological role. well, this is what being in a 4-season country taught you.

so yeah, i probably am experiencing the aforesaid symptoms. it isn't as bad as it sounds though, having gone through 3 winters before, it's only natural that it gets easier, no ?

besides sleeping and eating, i found another form of escape ; reading. since the starting of this semester, i've finished reading 3 books including Priceless by Nicole Richie, One Day by David Nicholls and recently The Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. and so far, none of the books have let me down. so if you're free, these books are highly recommendable :)

i've always loved reading, but somewhere along the way, life gets too hectic and basically leave me with no time for pleasure reading. but now that i'm having cycles rather than classes ( read : more free time ), i'm back.

and for now, it's my favourite form of escape :)

currently onto my fourth one, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.

oh, in case i didn't make myself clear enough, i HATE winter. like, really.

sucks balls.

kbye.

faces

2011-11-09T10:25:00.001+04:00

as promised, a picture-heavy post from St Petersburg trip.

and lastly, a picture of everyone i love :)

that's all for now.
X

oxygen

2011-11-08T00:54:00.003+04:00

my only relief is to sleep. when i sleep, i'm not sad, not angry, not lonely.

i'm nothing.

the trick is to not get morbid

2011-11-05T03:12:00.000+04:00

I didn't tell you, but i am on a one-week break now after my Ophthal exams, which i'm supposed to be happy about but i'm not mainly because i feel like i haven't done anything remarkable, and yet it's already coming to an end. and this Monday new cycles are starting. oh well, it's true what they say, time flies when you're having fun.

Career-wise, i don't know what i want to be exactly, but i do know now what i DON'T want to be. an Ophthalmologist. and if i'm being honest here, it bores me out of my mind. but let me tell you, it didn't end smoothly, although i did pass in the end. but that was the closest i've ever gotten to failing an exam. scary shit.

so what have i been doing this past few days besides enjoying my time sleeping in ?

1) i rearranged my room. yay ! nothing was wrong with the old arrangement really, it was just me desperate for a change. i'm loving the new look for now . it gives me this feeling like i'm in a totally different room.

2) decided to not think and just do it. so i had my fourth piercing : Navel piercing. no pictures, cos i'm shy like that. lol. but it's so pretty, that much i can tell you. hehe. now i need extra 5 minutes in the shower to clean my belly button with antiseptic, and i take longer time to wear my socks and boots, i have to sit up straight almost all the time, i can't sleep on my tummy ( yes, it's a big deal cos i love doing that ) and a lot of other things. so tell me again, why did i do this to myself ? well, because i believe i'm at the age where it's socially accepted to do stupid things. if not now, then when ?

and personally, i think piercing is addictive. i'm thinking of getting my nose pierced now.

yeah, i might change my mind, but for now, it seems like a good idea.

3) went to my favourite place of all time, Ikea. and guess what ? i finally own a dustbin now. in my room. after a year. don't know how i survived all this while without one. well that's the beauty of living in an apartment. you can always throw your trash out the window, and no one would know it's you. lol

4) had a fun night in with my crazies. doing what we do best, talk shit. i guess we've all been busy with our own thing that it was really hard for us to find the time to catch up. so that was nice, seeing everyone together at the same time after so long. i'm just glad some of us managed to patch things up and remain friends.

was supposed to go for an event today but decided to not go and have a lazy day in instead. and honestly i feel like doing that for the rest of the weekend. i feel old.

i wonder where did all the energy i once had, come from ?

One Day

2011-10-24T01:23:00.002+04:00

you know you've indulged in a good book when it brought you to a whole new world, even if it means just for a little while. One Day by David Nicholls gave me this. and if anything, it taught me that you can't fight fate. if it's meant to be, it will be.

it's so good, impossible to put down, page-turner kinda good, i was actually sad when i came to the very last page. having said that, yeah it's highly recommended. you won't regret.

therapeutic walk

2011-10-13T14:23:00.001+04:00

yesterday, i got soaking wet from walking in the rain with no umbrella , on the way back from class.
instead of cursing the crazy weather here, i found myself smiling and bopping my head to Rhythm of Love.

i find the walk very therapeutic . Try :)

EPIC part deux

2011-10-12T00:34:00.000+04:00

part deux ( 2 ) because part 1 was still Amsterdam, which was almost half a year ago and i have yet to blog about it.

anyway,

how was everyone's weekend ?

mine was, better than average. in fact it was pretty uh-may-zing.

we had an impromptu trip to St Petersburg for the weekend. and yes, we're well aware of the fact that spontaneous always mean fun, but not necessarily good, and more often than not it's not like in the movies, but safe to say that everything worked out well in the end.

for a super last minute trip i'm surprised by the number of people that came for the trip. this is what i love about my friends ; crazy & random, and always always up for anything.

i wished we had more time, i wished we had stayed longer, but being the good students that we all are ( lol ) , we came back just in time for our classes on Monday. see, it's all about balance people. we study hard, we party hard :)

pictures coming soon, i promise.

i live for days like this , really.

thank you people for making it happen ! * kisses *

so, what's next ?

question #3

2011-10-01T20:54:00.002+04:00

i'm torn between two.

where do you actually draw the line between being nice and letting other people walk all over you ?

tangled

2011-09-19T01:18:00.001+04:00

right this moment, i have thoughts flowing endlessly in my mind but i'm not sure whether i want it to be known or not and even so, i don't quite know how to put it in words and it's frustrating. i miss writing as if no one's reading but that doesn't seem to be the case, as of late. i find myself refraining from opening up which often do me more bad than good.

i need to find a purpose in life. the chill cycles i'm having right now isn't helping. not that i'm complaining and demanding for a hectic one, but i just need to not feel useless. that is all.

more than anything, i need to find myself. somehow, someway.

i'll be back one day. these emotions and feelings need to be seriously taken care of.

i'm back, for real

2011-09-09T22:37:00.001+04:00

you know what this new semester is all about ?

not giving a shit, putting my happiness first, drama free and being strong.

not as easy as it sounds, but here's to hoping :)

since i'm back in the land where my social life is slightly questionable, you can count on me to visit this space more often. not exactly feeling inspired to share or write to be honest, but it'll come soon, i think.

i miss KL. i miss everyone there. i miss my late night binge sessions , i miss my family, my crazy siblings and the familiar faces around the house. my boyfriend, my mom's cooking, my room, my bed, my car, my friends and the list goes on.

and to think that i have another 3 years here is just ... heartbreaking.

yes, i've gotten comfortable and i have the people i call my family here, and i am grateful for that everyday, but it's still not the same. it never will be.

back to the same old boring routine.

eat sleep study series.

okay, it's not as pathetic as it sounds, but it isn't exactly thrilling either. lol

my first weekend here and i'm already feeling homesick.

and you know what that calls for ? retail therapy :)

did i tell you the worried look on my dad's face when he hand me the credit card ? priceless.

after all these years, he still doesn't know that i'm a good girl lol

same old shit

2011-09-09T22:21:00.004+04:00

i'm back in Moscowland , can you believe that ?

well, i can't either.

this has got to be the fastest shortest summer ever.

10 months, here we go.

three

2011-08-26T20:57:00.000+04:00

3 more days to Raya.

i swear i thought i'd be more excited than this. i still haven't gotten shoes to match my baju raya, nice bags / clutches are nowhere to be seen. yes, i know that it's not a must to dress brand-new head to toe just because it's Raya, but in my defense, i left most of my shoes & clutches in Moscow. so yeah.

safe to say that this year's Raya won't be as meriah. mainly because my aunt just passed away and everyone is still in the mourning period. and i just got to know that this 31st of August marks the passing of my uncle, 15 years ago. more reason why this Raya is gonna be slightly low-key.

i have exactly 10 days before i leave for Moscow. it seems to me that my summer holidays get shorter and shorter by the year. it's true when they say, time flies when we're having fun. ah well, let's just make the most out of whatever i have left.

i would like to take this opportunity to wish all Muslim , Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf zahir & batin.

and judging by my previous posts, see you next Friday :)

can't stop, won't stop

2011-08-19T01:43:00.001+04:00

hello.
don't know what took me so long, but i finally had this strong urge to pay this space a visit. it has been a while. so what have i been up to ?

just came back from a buka puasa session that turned into lepak-ing session which then lead to sahur session with my high school lovers. i can't remember when was the last time i met up with them, and boy do i miss these people. these are the people i grew up with, the people that i see day in day out when i was in boarding school for 5 years. i just realized i've known these people for 10 years, of course we're all at different ends of the world and we don't get to hang out all the time, but it's nice to know that the bond is still strong as ever. no awkwardness, nothing. i love them :)

spent 2 weeks in IJN doing my practicals, i can't say " oh , i learnt so much " , partly because it was only 2 weeks, in which i had 2 Fridays off, and most of the time we go back before 3pm. but whatever they taught us, is enough to make me feel that i'm on the right track and i know this is what i wanna do. spent my first week at the Anaesthesia department, and i was either in the OT or the ICU clinic doing rounds, patient history among other things. when doctors there get tired of us, we'll just hide in the library , no not to read, but to sleep lol. and oh, i took blood for the first time, it was exciting. but yeah, a few people warned me, it's only fun in the beginning. after awhile you'll be like , take whaaa ? blood ? zzzzz. i was in Cardiology department the second week, and that was a wake up call for me. I NEED TO BRUSH UP ON MY ECG, badly ! but all in all, it was a good exposure and experience :)

guess what ? it's already day 19 of Ramadhan. how time flies. only 11 days left before raya. i'm not sure how i feel about that. the last time i celebrated Raya here was 4 years ago, so yeah kinda looking forward to that. but i notice that as i grow older, Raya is not as fun. just me ? so that explains why i've been postponing my hunt for baju raya.

i have 19 days before i head back to Moscow. that's like less than 3 weeks. do you notice how i don't refer to that place as hellhole anymore ? well, i can't say i LOVE it there, but i've come to terms that like it or not i'll be there for the next three years, so might as well make the most out of it. and to be honest, it has definitely grown on me.

other than that, nothing exciting has been happening in my life. been spending my time with my siblings, and the same group of people. a lot of drama as usual, but none of them involving me. and yes, i am glad. i'm always the one at the other end, listening, and on good days, i'll say what i feel is right, but most of the time, i prefer to keep my mouth shut. it's always better that way.

I CAN FINALLY DRIVE A MANUAL CAR !!! Sorry i had to shout, but hey, that's the only way i can express my excitement. thanks to my brother and Erwan, i now feel complete :) i still drive my Myvi once in awhile, that car holds fond memories, my first car, the car i used to drive to college everyday, that is the car i used to drive my friends around when we go out at night, as i'm known as the designated driver, that car has been to places. well if you must know, i have " letting go " issues. i'm glad my dad decided to keep the car, at least for now :)

that is all , i think.

life is good. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Goodnight lovely people <3

random

2011-08-12T09:52:00.003+04:00

i have two things to say, and one has nothing to do with the other :-

1 ) i don't get some people. do they get a kick out of being so bitter ?

2 ) i'm blessed to still have both my parents. and for that, i am eternally grateful.

Updates

2011-07-29T18:34:00.000+04:00

Thursday 21/07 : impromptu Melaka day trip

Monday 25/07 : Park Royal Serviced Suites with the siblings

no pictures of me for obvious reason, i was the one taking pictures most of the time. but i love love love the hotel, would definitely come back next time :)

Wednesday : Macarons baking class

one thing off the list :)

Thursday 28/07 : the supposedly Penang trip that turned into one day in KL

i will remember this day as the longest day i've had. or at least, it feels like it. with minimal sleep, no less. because i'm too lazy to use my brain to construct sentences, point form it is !

- brunch at Village Park
-Captain America + 1901 hotdog
-chocolate waffle at waffle world
-my place, to chill
- Al-safa for Malaysia vs Singapore and dinner
-my place again.
-Al-Safa to pick Kinn up and off to OU for a karaoke sesh. at least that was the initial plan.
-parked the car in OU, chilled for a while
-went round and round in the car park because we had nothing better to do. paid the parking fee and left.
-Mcd's drive thru . taman tun playground.
-drive aimlessly and somehow ended up in Putrajaya.
-Oldtown Whitecoffee with Remy
-came home and knocked out till 4pm, with minor disturbances . ie ; phone calls, whatsapps, bbm etc.

all in all, it was an eventful Thursday :)

if you paid enough attention, you would realize that i actually ate 6 times. and i complain about getting fatter by the day. stupid.

hide and seek

2011-07-25T11:23:00.001+04:00

I'm sorry if any of you wasn't a big fan of the hide and seek game i've been playing. truth is, i wasn't a big fan of it myself. i guess i've changed in more ways than i can ever imagine over the years. i prefer to call it, growing up.

the first time i came back from Moscow for holidays was in 2008/2009 and that time i was so determined to check off my to-do list and that includes seeing all my friends, as frequent as possible. that was 3 years ago, this time around it's different. no doubt that i'm still very much passionate about my to-do list, because if you know me well, then you'd know i take all my lists ( to-do list , shopping list, grocery list, etc ) seriously. but my priorities have definitely changed.

maybe this is what they mean by growing up. you're supposed to be wiser and better at decision making. i'm still working at it, but i'm positive i'm slowly heading there. i still go out and meet people, but the amount of people i meet has decreased tremendously. but i'm not complaining, because it was entirely my choice.

i prefer to be surrounded by people that make me feel like home, people i'm comfortable with.

it's always quality over quantity, always.

so far, KL has been good. full of ups and downs as usual, but nothing that can make me love it any less.

one more week left before Ramadhan starts and also, one more week before i start my attachment in IJN. having mixed feelings right now. i dread the waking up early part, but a little excited to learn new stuff and finally have a sneak peek of what my future holds.

p/s : i can't wait for our macarons baking class this Wednesday :)

fast lane

2011-07-18T06:39:00.001+04:00

today i realized one thing ; there is no easy way out. in anything.

if there were, it would be one of my favourite things.

p/s : i had a lovely Sunday with the family :)

morning after dark

2011-07-07T12:55:00.000+04:00

i need a getaway, pronto !

just one day ( or more ) off from everything and everyone. okay, maybe not everyone. but you get the point.

speaking of a getaway, i just went on a super random and spontaneous late night roadtrip with Ayesha on Tuesday night, and we ended up in Port Dickson. i've always wanted to do that , the whole get-in-the-car-and-drive-somewhere thing. and finally, i did it. i have a feeling it's gonna be one of my favourite newly acquired habits lol.

a lot of talking and sharing were done by the beach, in the car, and at bestari afterwards. we talk about friends, relationships, family, the government , places to go, the society, cameras, travelling, and basically everything under the sun. it was nice.

and speaking of sharing, i caught up with one of my closest girlfriends , Zue , earlier on the same day. it's nice when someone shares the same opinion and say things like " i get what you mean " or " i feel you " , and you know they genuinely meant it.

i'll always remember this day. it's one of those days i ~~feel~~ know like i talked way too much, but at the end of the day i went to sleep in peace knowing that i'm not alone.

my family and friends like these are the reason why i am who i am today. and for that, i'm thankful :)

KL bound

2011-07-05T21:22:00.000+04:00

I'M HOMEEEE !!!

and it feels so damn good :)

it's been 3 days and i feel like i've done so much. or maybe not ?

but what i know for sure is, i've been having too much fun. it's comforting to know that everything seems in place when you're back. now i know what i've been missing, my loud and crazy siblings. they're all really really loud. and really really crazy, i swear. my mom just came back from Jakarta few hours ago so i've yet to spend time with her, will do just that for the next couple of days.

i just came back and the bf just left for Johor for a few days, but that's okay cos we're planning our small getaway soon, so that's something to look forward to. and friends, i shall keep next week free for us to meet up and catch up.

i have plenty of plans in my mind, but as usual, not all will materialized. but for now, i'm pretty certain that i'm gonna go somewhere with my girls, that's a must. and if i'm lucky, maybe Bangkok with the sister or anyone who's up for it. also, what i've been wanting to do since forever ; baking ( macarons ) class. WHEEE !

and tonight, i'm gonna escape with Ayesha. destination unknown.

THIS IS EXCITING ! this is what i missed :D

p/s : it's been 3 days and i've yet to unpack, talk about procrastination .

leaving

2011-07-01T03:04:00.001+04:00

3rd year has come to an end and it's finally my last night here in Moscow.

Wow.

i've always hated packing, and i usually spend like at least half a day before my flight trying to decide which clothes to bring back, which shoes are appropriate for KL, which bags are lucky enough to be brought back home, cos obviously i can't fit everything into one luggage , right ? that's just ridiculous. but this time, to my surprise, the moment i opened my luggage i started chucking my clothes shoes bag and everything else in the bag , and it took me less than 30 minutes to do so. which is very unusual, for someone as anal as me when it comes to packing. i'll make a list of everything, and i'll pack and re-pack everything at least 3 times. so now, let's all pray i won't leave anything important behind. usually i do, i have the tendency to leave at least one thing behind. yeah, even with checklists and all. i don't know why.

so, come Saturday noon i'll be in hot and sticky KL. i'm still excited as hell even though i was just in KL three weeks ago. i'm looking forward to this summer holidays, for no apparent reason. i have no special plans whatsoever, just going with the flow. you know what sucks though ? the fact that my mom won't be around when i'm back, so no home-cooked meal for me for at least a week. boo hoo.

what's interesting is that, i'll be celebrating Raya in KL this time around , after 3 years of celebrating it here.YAY to that !!! the thing is, i almost forgot the raya atmosphere back home. here, raya feels like any other day. you still have to wake up for classes. only difference is you get to go to the embassy all dressed in your raya attire pretending to be all cheerful and happy, taking pictures with friends while enjoying so-so food. then go back to your house and everything is back to normal. so i'm warning you now, sorry if i act a lil jakun on raya day, i do have a very good excuse you see lol.

another interesting news, i'm back just in time for MegaSale, *jumps up and down * ,so i foresee myself spending money i don't have at various malls, OU being the first , only because it's like 2mins away from my house. i don't look forward to the crowd, but the things i do for cheap bargains ...

okay, no more interesting news. here's hoping that this summer will be awesome and drama-free.

but who am i kidding, right ? ah well. let's just see what happens.

Goodbye , Moscow.

Hello, KL :)

a year older, a year wiser

2011-06-26T22:24:00.002+04:00

the reason why we have phones , skype , msn and the likes is so you won't have to be the bad guy, making other people puke while professing your undying love towards someone special.

here, let's keep it simple.

so here goes.

Happy 27th Birthday to you.

and on this day, i wish nothing but the best for you.

i have nothing much to offer, i can't even promise a perfect relationship

without arguments over our differences and trust issues,

however, i can promise you as long as you're trying,

i'm staying .

iloveyou :)

i got a secret

2011-06-26T22:10:00.001+04:00

don't get me wrong, i'm enjoying every single bit of my freedom now and i'm at this point of life where i'm pretty contented with life and everything that it has to offer. but some days, i get sick of talking about how awesome life is , how everything is going just the way i planned it to be, that is the moment where i feel like doing nothing but whine and complain. just because.

to be honest, i have nothing substantial to complain and whine about, really. NOTHING.

be grateful.

i AM grateful, really. but this nagging feeling in the back of my head is telling me that there's something lacking in a certain area, the same time when other wonderful things are happening in my life. even i know, there's something missing but i can't quite fix it. it's frustrating.

God works in funny ways i guess, he gives you almost everything then deliberately leaves ONE small thing, making you feel ... incomplete. it's purely because He knows if he gives you everything, we human tend to forget and get carried away. so this is His way of making sure , somehow someway you'll come back to Him. that's the whole point, i think.

another sunny day

2011-06-24T19:27:00.000+04:00

just woke up from my 3 hour nap and i feel beyond awesome. like, nothing could be even more awesome than this, really. just finished my Internal Disease paper this morning, it's still unofficial, but it's safe to say i'm done with 3rd year. i am OVER THE MOON , guys !

i am saying goodbye to sleepless nights and freaking out a few days before each paper. let me tell you this, there's nothing fun about tachycardia. you feel your heart beats like a drum, so damn bloody fast it's almost like it's coming out of your chest. yes. not fun.

anyways, i feel like sharing my happy songs. i don't usually share, but today is an exception, i feel like spreading the joy and love :) :)

but i can't lie,

everytime you leave i want to press rewind,

say hey hey hey ,

I LOVE YOU .

my heart's a stereo

it beats for you, so listen close,

hear my thoughts in every note.

hmm

2011-06-23T14:31:00.000+04:00

now this feels fantastic

2011-06-20T21:54:00.000+04:00

i want to remember today, it's a pretty big deal for me.

so you listen.

today marked the day i am officially done with Pharmacology. it was the most nerve-wrecking paper to date which didn't start very nicely but definitely ended in the best way possible. i got what i asked for, and probably more. Alhamdulillah :)

and although i am well aware of the fact that i still have another 2 papers to sit for, i can't help but to feel like i'm done with 3rd year. well, after 3 killer papers, can you really blame me ?

now, i shall go recuperate and pamper myself with a face mask and a chick flick. and maybe fall asleep, just because i can. and probably wake up in the middle of the night, to eat and continue online shopping and browsing nonsense on the internet. awesome-ness. hmm, my click lit novels on the shelf look very disturbingly tempting too. but i guess that has got to wait , at least until i finish my Internal Disease paper this friday. okay ?

but for now, i'm gonna enjoy the rest of the night doing everything else besides studying.

THIS REALLY IS FANTASTIC !

you steal my sunshine

2011-06-17T04:25:00.003+04:00

hi boys & girls.

i just think you should know that i'm having a love-hate relationship with my current life. excessive stress due to exams and other things are driving me up the wall, and it has undoubtedly transformed me into an even crazier person, which is very unfortunate for the people around me. i've been spending most of my days indoor , cooped up within four walls with the company of books & notes. well, if that isn't obvious enough for you, that's the hate part.

the love part, uhm actually, there's not much of the love part. i'm just content with the fact that despite it all, i am still able to not just smile but laugh. as much as i dread studying and cramming plenty of definitions, mechanisms and pathogenesis of everything i've learnt in 2 semesters in just a few days, i find myself enjoying our study sessions. mainly because , somehow we always managed to laugh about the littlest things. like real laugh. those stomach-aching , tearful laughs.

someone is convinced that smiling & laughing is actually my defense mechanism against all this bullshit. and i'm starting to believe her. like i said in previous post, 2011 hasn't been treating me nicely, and it just gets harder and harder by the day. so yeah, having this really awesome defense mechanism helps in a way. although it would have been better if i do it genuinely, not because i'm putting up a front.

but ah well, whatevs.

so back to my stories regarding finals,

i'm halfway through, done with both Pathology papers and boy am i glad it went well. the next paper is the infamous killer paper ; Pharmacology. the subject that has been giving me shit since September 2010, also the subject that probably ruined my social life. not that i even have a proper one to begin with. i can't possibly wait to get it over and done with. the amount of drugs that we need to memorized is ridiculous, some of which is not even easy to pronounce. i know it all comes down to your effort, but really, there's only so much a human brain can digest, yes ?

you have no idea how many times i've been having conversations with myself lately. yes, i've already come to terms that i am a crazy person. besides online shopping, the other thing that i can count on to keep me sane at this point is the constant reminder that this is all gonna be over soon. real soon.

this crazy person in me has got to go. she's too crazy for my liking.

i need to get my normal life back on track.

and as i'm typing this, the sun is already rising. at 4.20am.

good night ! ( or good morning to be more appropriate )

xxxx

my happy place

2011-06-14T19:29:00.002+04:00

last Sunday, a few hours before i depart, i went ~~slightly~~ pretty much crazy in OU. that's the thing i love about self-imposed shopping ban. you feel really proud of yourself for not spending for a few months, then one day you just wake up and decide it's time you lift the ban, you go real crazy in the mall and the best part is, it's guilt-free.

the whole time i was swiping my debit card, there's this tiny, persistent and very much self-righteous voice telling me that i would have to eat sand, rocks and papers ( or prolly out of the dumpster ) for the rest of the month. and what did i do ? i ignored that voice.

and i've been looking for a tapered pants since forever, i can hardly find one that could fit me perfectly. what happened on Sunday was, i didn't find one, but TWO.

and the quest for tapered pants has ended. phew.

the oh-so-pretty chiffon bow t-bar pumps

so yeah, i ended up with all these and a few tops from forever21 and cotton on.

that tiny voice was right though. i'm broke as hell now, but i'm HAPPY !!!
ah boy, i'm such a sucker for short-lived joy. what to do.

everytime i feel the pain right after checking my account balance, i open my closet and look at the stuff i bought. instant recovery, i tell you :)

and oh, guess who finally own an eye shadow set. ME ! this is quite embarrassing but i'm 23 and the only time i had proper make-up on my face was probably during my sister's wedding. when i say proper, i mean foundation eye shadow and the works. my cousin, Tasha was furious upon hearing this news and went all " girl, you've got so much to learn " on me and asked, " how the hell do you survive all these while ? " lol.

all this took place in the newly open Sephora in Bukit Bintang. what a perfect place, right. that place is heaven-like, it's too amazing for words. everything you can possibly think of is right there under one roof. just perfect. me and my 2 cousins are convinced that no girl in their right mind would leave this place empty-handed.

and this is what i got :)

my very first eye shadow set. still looks untouched.

Sephora rouge lipstick in pinkish beige

okay, enough rambling about unnecessary stuff. i shall get back to the books.

Pathology Anatomy paper tomorrow. wish me luck lovelies xx

guess who's back ?

2011-06-10T21:18:00.004+04:00

HELLO !

i know i've been MIA for quite some time, but only because these past few weeks have been crazy hectic. in between collecting zachuts and preparing for my finals, i had to fly back to KL for a few days for my grandfather's 90th birthday celebration. go ahead, call me crazy and laugh your head off, i grant you permission to do so. sigh, the things i do for my family.

i was skeptical about going back at first, mainly because i can't imagine myself studying in KL, in the comfort of home. but i DID. well, not as much as i planned to, but still ... i deserve a pat on the back for effort , no ? can't believe the last time i actually studied in KL was 4 years ago, in 2007 for my A levels. not that's a long time.

5 days back home was fun ; the greedy me stuffed myself with lotsa good food , the whole time thinking, shit i only have 5 days, what else do i wanna eat, what else do i HAVE to eat. thanks to that constant reminder, i gained 2kg ( or more ) in the span of 5 days. spent some quality time with the bf and my family, met up with my cousins, so all in all, it was good :)

my love for you will never die, oh banana leaf rice

the day i took the word " greedy " to a whole new level.

prawn mee, curry mee, assam laksa & toast, all in one night.

but fun times aside, if given a chance, i would never repeat this again. trust me, it was tiring AS HELL. the journey to and fro was enough to drain the living shit outta me. not to mention, the preparation for the party, the dress hunting, the studying. so basically that leaves me with no time to see my friends, at all.

time for pictures, cos i got lazy. i realized writing isnt really my thing lately. but it's nice to know that some people out there miss my writing, although i'm pretty sure most of the time i'm writing crap. maybe they like that, crap. hmm.

some pictures from my grandpa's 90th birthday :)

the birthday "boy"

nazim & the gf

the big-ass 90th birthday cake

erwan & the girls

ali & the gf

my brothers are all grown up and have gfs *sniffs*

with my two lovely cousins <3

the cutest ever. Raffi reciting a poem for Baba lol

i wish i have a voice like her. and if i did, i would have sang 10 songs during the party. haha

but sadly, i don't.

the whole crew

us girls

with the bf :)

oh oh, i just have to write about THE pleasant surprise i received when i was home. another birthday present, might not seem fancy to you guys, but it was quite something for me. i guess i have always been a sucker for thoughtful presents. it shows that they actually do pay attention to what you say after all :)

thank you <3

and and and, today i passed the most dreaded paper for 3rd year ( for me at least ) , Patho Physiology. i guess miracles do happen, huh ? one down, another 4 more to go before i can leave this hellhole yet again, and go back to KL and enjoy the rest of my summer holidays :)

question #4

2011-06-09T01:48:00.004+04:00

do you miss me ?

question #3

2011-05-26T13:25:00.002+04:00

this is too much to handle all at once

the question is, how long more ?

feels like home

2011-05-23T21:46:00.001+04:00

it was like any other Monday morning, where i usually put my Ipod on shuffle and unwillingly drag my ass to class. until this song came out, and i realized how much i used to love it. just thought of sharing :)

" but time has changed, nothing at all

you're still the only one that feels like home "

everybody knows, but nobody really know

2011-05-20T22:33:00.000+04:00

please do not confuse this with an emo post. it's anything BUT emo, i'm merely expressing my thoughts :)

it's been 20 days since i turned 23, and frankly speaking it has been quite a whirlwind emotional journey. who in their right mind would have thought that a lot could happen in just 20 days, right ? well, you'd be surprised.

let's not talk about the whirlwind journey, because the way i see it, some things are better left untold. also, because it seems irrelevant and inappropriate to be shared with the world. however, what i can share is how extremely surprised i was with myself for keeping it together. of course it wasn't anywhere near easy, but with the help of a handful of friends, almost everything seems doable.

even with great friends and tonnes of distractions, it all comes down to you. you can always choose whether or not you wanna be happy and rise above all the anger, depression and sadness or simply bury yourself in sorrow. the latter seems like the easier thing to do, but really, haven't they told you, it's mind over matter, baby.

if you want me to be completely honest, i would say, probably a little part of me died.

of course, a piece of my hopes and dreams was slightly crushed. but the optimist in me ( never knew i had that in me ) , tells me that this too shall pass.and that, one day that little part will come back to live, and my hopes and dreams are not completely gone. it may take a while for me to get back there, but i will. all i need is time.

i feel that in this super short period of time, i've learnt so much. so much so that i can honestly tell you, you're as happy as you make up your mind to be. at times you do feel incomplete, but it's only because we keep chasing things that are temporary. we have high expectations on these temporary things to make us happy. people need to realize that we can't depend on anyone for our happiness. yes, at times you are allowed to lean on your partner for support, you have your family to run to when you're feeling down, you get to accept your friend's offer on a shoulder to cry on, but never stop reminding yourself that at the end of the day, you're alone.

don't get too attached.

don't get too dependent.

because really, nothing good can come out of it.

it appears to me that the only way you'll make it through this harsh reality is to own a heart that is so strong, it's almost impossible to break.

screw the odds, screw the science. let's just live. whatever happens, happens.

and today, i'm no longer putting up a front.

i'm going to say i'm happy and actually mean it :)

those two words

2011-05-15T14:15:00.000+04:00

the day i turned 23

2011-05-10T03:15:00.001+04:00

since earlier this year i've had this idea of not celebrating my birthday. i'd like to believe that it's temporary and partly because i'm sick of the usual dinner get-together we always have here, and not because i'm getting old and birthdays just don't matter to me anymore.

the irony is, it turned out to be one of the most awesome birthdays i've ever had. well, might be a little incomplete because of some reasons i choose not to reveal here, but it can't get any better than that.

so naturally, i didn't plan any party or dinner for my birthday. i specifically demanded my friends not to surprise me at 12am with a cake, because that's what we've been doing for each other for everyone's birthday. no doubt, it's a nice gesture, but i can't act surprise anymore lol. because they're the kind that actually listen, they told me beforehand that they are gonna come that night.

with my teaser birthday cake

they came, and we had so much fun. singing, dancing, screaming, throwing bottle from the 18th floor (okay, the last part was only me ) but still. at 4 am , ezora came up with the most brilliant idea - to go chill at the playground. the thing with us is, i think we're all pretty sane when you look at us individually ( okay, maybe not me ) , but when you throw us together, we're a bunch of idiots, really. and i mean this in the best way possible. i hope the pictures below explain what i meant.

sandbox buddies fo life

our ride for the night

we even went as far as lying down on the walkway, stargazing for a good few minutes.

saw a patrol car doing their rounds, and that was our cue to leave.

no one took a picture, but i could have sworn i slept with the biggest smile plastered on my face. i was genuinely overwhelmed with everything, the company ; how they tried their very best to distract me from whatever i'm NOT supposed to be feeling on my birthday, and their effort to make it a super awesome one for me. our silly shenanigans , as always never fail to make me laugh.

it was only my birthday eve, but it felt like i already most , if not all the things i wished for. i've been craving for doughnuts, and i got that as my birthday cake. because i have too many cravings, i also craved for a really good ice cream, and i got a whole big pint of Jamoca Almond Fudge.

the next morning, i woke up feeling like having Nasi Lemak for breakfast, and i got just that. It's a really great feeling having this B card , huh ?

and OHMYGOD, if i was the crying type, i would have cried a bucket upon tearing open my birthday gift. it's something i've been wanting for about a year now. but never actually got around to buying it.

one thing off my list :)

and i got it from them. the fact that they had to go through all the trouble to order it online, and the whole shipping process is just.. i'm speechless. can you imagine how deeply touched i am ?
I'M A HAPPY BEAN :D

at one point, i even thought to myself, it was only the morning of my birthday, but it could just end there, for all i care. because really, i was already beyond happy. maybe i was dreaming. i pinched myself when no one was looking.

but no, i wasn't dreaming.

just when i thought the day could not get any better, they surprised me with uber cute cupcakes.

i didn't let anyone touch the cake, for at least a few hours. it's too pretty and i strongly believe that it's socially unacceptable to eat pretty things. and up until today, i did not eat, not even one cupcake.

and they told me the story behind the whole cake thing. it was supposed to be like this,

how pretty is that ? not just that, it's two of my favourite things that are in my short-term goal list , now that's what i call not just a pretty cake, but also a thoughtful one. well, due to unforeseen circumstances, the cake could not be made. but really, it's the thought that counts.

we spent the rest of the day at Vorob'evy Gory rollerblading, something we haven't been doing in a while.

then ended the night at Old Peking with nice chinese meal. and that was the end of my birthday. even if i'm gonna have a big-ass party next year for my birthday ( which i'm positive i won't ) , it would still be hard to beat this one. it's the intimacy, the togetherness, the simplicity that make everything so perfect :)

i have to much love for this people , love love love !!!

another thing that makes me happy,

thanks to the 1/2 of the parental unit, another thing off my list :)

p/s : Mommy & Yaya, don't think i'll forget. i'll claim my present when i'm back hehehe. ( because you can only do this to your family members )

i am beyond thankful and i feel so so so truly blessed.

sometimes i wonder, what have i done to deserve all this ?

it can't be that hard

2011-05-03T20:54:00.001+04:00

i am so mad at myself for abandoning my blog when i actually have really amazing stories to tell. fine, maybe not amazing to you, but it is for me. i ~~will~~ MUST blog about Amsterdam and my birthday because these are some of the things i would love to remember for as long as i could. i know for a fact that, when i actually have the time to read my old posts, these are things that would put a smile on my face. it's nice to be reminded of awesome episodes of your life.

i don't know when, but i will definitely talk about it. that's a promise. to myself.

on a completely different note, i am now trying to master the art of not caring what other people think of me and i think i'm failing. no, i know i'm failing because whenever i feel that people are judging me, i still get upset. i still let it get to me.

so now you know my weakness. go rejoice.

i was talking to some friends, and apparently i'm not alone on this. i take comfort in knowing that. we got to talking and we concluded that the world would be a better place if no one judges. because really, what good can come out of it ? yes, it's human nature to pass judgement on others, and we're not excluded. each and everyone of us , i'm sure, have been guilty of that sin. but what's important is to remind yourself, stop and think, and ask yourself before you judge others - are you any better ?

if you're sensible and not full of yourself, the answer would probably be no. so when you finally realized that nobody is perfect (yourself included) then maybe, just maybe, you would stop judging others.

and then, we can all live happily ever after *wishful thinking*

and oh, another reason why you should stop ? because you have no idea how much you're hurting the other party by doing that. at least that's what i think.

that's what's up

2011-04-27T01:19:00.001+04:00

i'm still pretty much in my holiday mode and i can't seem to snap out of it.

i have a test to sit for this friday, and i'm forcing myself to study but i can't seem to absorb anything i've been reading. so frustrating. do you feel my pain ?

finals are just around the corner, and i'm nowhere near ready. i'm screwed. *cries*

i keep forgetting that my birthday is this Saturday. that explains how i'm not looking forward to it. no explanations for that. i'm usually big on birthdays, but this year is different. i don't know what is wrong with me.

i have too much going on in my mind. yeah, i always do.

i'm well aware that this is useless, i just needed to rant.

kthnxbye.

i wouldn't want it any other way

2011-04-22T02:24:00.000+04:00

Amsterdam was... friggin' EPIC !

even that is an understatement.

will get to that later, much later.

for now, i leave you with one of our many theme songs there.

i just can't get enough, i just can't get enough.

it was 5 days of pure awesomeness, with 5 crazy awesome friends :)

the one trip i'll remember FOR LIFE !

I amSterdam

2011-04-15T00:44:00.000+04:00

you know what ? girls should not have to plan their entire weeks outfits in advance, it's socially unacceptable and it totally kills the creative process and the joy of contemplating the look of the day while staring at your closet. and because i strongly believe what i just stated, i haven't even started packing. and i'm leaving in a few hours. am i screwed ? i am right ? sigh.

amsterdam for 5 days, and i can practically sniff the excitement in the air. WHEEEEE :))

probably just a lil bit bummed that the intervarsity game is happening this weekend, where our uni is the host, but i won't be around. but you can't have it all, can you ? but good luck to those who are involved in the games, make us proud :)

what happens now

2011-04-12T13:22:00.001+04:00

i strongly believe that i deserve better. so much better.

but then again, don't we all ?

wallflower

2011-04-12T02:22:00.002+04:00

and in that moment, i swear we were infinite - Stephen Chbosky

film adaptations from novels , more often than not , disappoint me. but even so, i can't help but to get excited whenever i find out my favourite novels are being turned into movies. hoping that maybe this time, it will be different. this time, it will actually wow me. it's always exciting to see the characters that all these while have been playing in your head, turn into something real. plus point, if it's almost exactly as how you picture it to be.

i think they did a wise choice by choosing Emma Watson as the lead actress. somehow i feel that she is gonna pull it off. for now, let's wait for about a year before they finally release this movie.

too much love

2011-04-10T23:03:00.002+04:00

this is probably the most laid-back Sunday i've ever had, and i had so much fun. there's no great stories to tell, no crazy pictures to share, it's one of those " you-had-to-be-there " moments, you know ?

we had steamboat on Saturday night, and spent the whole night talking as usual. if there's one thing about this particular group of friends is that, we will never run out of things to talk about. NEVER. we talk about anything and everything under the sun. from our favourite old school junk food, to our embarrassing and funny childhood moments, to how we fight with our siblings, basically everything random you can ever imagine.

talked and talked and more talking, don't ask me how but it led to a karaoke session and from then on we were just reminiscing the good ol' times all the way. Sugar Ray, Atomic Kittens, Uncle Kracker, Vertical Horizon and the like. it brought back some pretty fond memories, and not to mention, it reminded us of how old we are right now. but no, no one cried. lol

it was hard for us to say goodbye and leave the room to go to our respective rooms to sleep. yeah, my friends are a bunch of drama queens lol. woke up the next ~~morning~~ afternoon and had pancakes for brunch. pancakes on a Sunday with your favorite people, what more could you ask for right ? turns out, there is something else you could ask for. like, a random trip to ikea just to eat the meatballs and daim cake.

and so, we did just that. and now i'm back home, lying on my bed still thinking of how awesome my Sunday was. how was yours ?

i've got so so so much love for the people i have here, i might just explode.

thank you guys, for keeping me sane. i know for a fact that they don't agree on my choice of word here (read: sane), they think " insane " is a better word for it. but either way guys, thank you. i love you guys to bits xx

i guess it's true what they say ; god is fair. he threw you at this god-forsaken land, but gives you crazy awesome friends instead in order to survive :)

short-term goal

2011-04-07T12:26:00.001+04:00

short-term goal
i don't exactly have a plan, but all i know is i need these things to be mine.
due date : ~~tomorrow~~ end of summer break, iA

finally, like friggin' finally decided on this one. was a toss between this and this or maybe this . but i personally prefer LV better, and it is more classy. right right ? please don't make me change my mind, again. this decision was obviously made with the help of reliable opinions from others as well.

this, i haven't decided. i just know that i want a long handle. maybe a size 2 or a size 3 bag. and colours, god, can someone please help me decide on the colours already. i'm starting to question my choices recently, of course it's pretty, but is it practical ? told you, i'm getting old. but actually i'll be happy with any colours la k, i just want one. so berguna la this bag. good thing is, it's cheaper here :)

this wasn't the initial watch i wanted, but again, same excuse, with old age comes wisdom and the ability to pick a ~~boring~~ more practical choice. figured the wrap with charms i wanted had too much going on, i almost couldn't see myself wearing it for the long run.

or maybe layer & stud wraps ? god , why am i so fickle, someone slap me already !

probably the only thing i have no trouble deciding. the moment they released it, i have my eyes set on this lovely white ipad with the pink smart case. and i believe i won't be changing my mind anytime soon, or anytime ever. so this is how it feels like, having your heart set on something. feels pretty good, ey ?

saboteur

2011-04-07T02:30:00.000+04:00

from a long overdue dinner get-together with the neighbors,

to a spontaneous game night that lasted for almost 5 hours.

wonder why we never thought of this earlier.

and the dwarfs found the gold :)

constant reassurance

2011-04-06T03:31:00.001+04:00

Joel to Julia : " i will never cheat on you "

i was watching Parenthood and when it came to this scene, it hit me and i realized, more than anything else in this world, i crave for constant reassurance. i need it, i do.

maybe this is partially due to my paranoia, but really, i don't see anything wrong with offering reassurance . if anything, it's very comforting. that is why i love reassuring people, telling them at the most random-est time that i love them, or that i'm glad they're a part of my life. i would even go as far as saying it's one of the simplest things to do, and yet some people still think it's asking for too much.

that's the thing with us, we overlook this little things in life, don't we ?

all we need every once in a while is a hug, or a hand to pull you along. maybe a random text, or a lovely surprise in whatever forms they come in, just a little something to keep you going.

and sometimes, you just need someone to say " everything will be fine " , and almost like magic, you believe that it IS gonna be fine. they way i look at it, it's not only nice to hear, but also a very much-needed reminder, because sometimes we, human tend to forget.

and speaking of reassurance right now, i need to be reassured that there will be a place for me and my friends to stay in Amsterdam next weekend. YEAH, DID I TELL YOU ? I AM GOING TO AMSTERDAM NEXT WEEK !! and hell yeah it had to be in caps lock cos i am beyond excited. booked our flights and all, so i can finally say it's really happening. the only major problem now is, all the affordable hostels and apartments are fully booked. not funny, really. the idea of sleeping on the streets scares me.

keeping my fingers and toes crossed, hoping that something will open up tomorrow :)

look how they shine for you

2011-04-04T00:58:00.001+04:00

girly sleepover was a success, as always. usually when i'm too lazy to write, i'll opt for a picture-heavy post, but guess what, today i'm lazy to do both. but i feel the need to tell you i had an amazing weekend. the highlight was definitely the yummylicious food - tomyam telur bungkus brownies with vanilla ice-cream keropok lekor and cucur. yeah, i'm too hungry i ate all the commas in the between.

and that is why i love my girls.

here's to more amazing weekends like this :)

truth be told , i miss you

2011-04-02T20:30:00.005+04:00

if there's one day that i did spend wisely, it would be last Friday. i was out from as early as 8ish in the morning for classes which ended by 2pm. Since that day marked the ending of my misery for at least 2-3weeks, it calls for a celebration.

and celebration in my dictionary can only mean one thing ; retail therapy. something i haven't been doing for as long as i can remember, no, i'm not shitting you. but somehow, shopping these days don't mean as much to me. gone were the days of impulsive shopping habits and regrets that came a little too late. well yeah, that's one thing that comes with old age ; better judgements.

but even with better judgements and all, i still came back with some stuff.

was torn in between the brown one and this pretty floral brogue,

decided to go with the former, because it's more practical and it goes with more things. and the most important part is, it's way more comfy than the floral one.

like i said, better judgements.

grabbed some cheap shades from H&M

wanted more, but then realized i only have a pair of eyes, and not 10.

so i don't need that many shades.

also a scarf and a top. also from H&M.

other things are quite " meh " i would say, except for Miss Selfridge.

and Topshop was pretty disappointing.

finally got my hands on the MAC wonder woman collection, got the mascara and the powder blush. and i love them both :)

now now, if only i can have all of these. too pretty.

by the end of the day, my legs were pretty sore and all i had in mind was this awesome fantasy of taking a long hot shower and then lie down on my bed with my pomegranate mask on my face and a movie. clearly, that didn't happen. we went to a sushi place instead, and more people came and joined us. i wasn't exactly thrilled by the idea of a sushi place because I HATE japenese food, but i like how spontaneous it is. which then, brought us to another spontaneous plan ; bowling. at 12.30 midnight.

did i ever tell you i suck at bowling ? yeah, i do. but it was all good fun. we decided to head home after a round of bowling and an hour of pool. it was such a fantastic day, until Berne lost her phone. what a tragic way to end a superb day right ? good thing is, she got herself a spankin' new phone, so i guess it's all good :)

somehow, even after spending the whole day out and being surrounded by lovely people, i realize there's still a void i can't seem to fill. ah well, like i always say, " suck it up, buttercup " :)

three words to sum up life ; it goes on

2011-03-31T19:44:00.001+04:00

" shit happens. people change. your best friend can become your worst enemy.

you will fall to pieces, and wish you never existed.

you'll fall in love, you'll fall out of love. he'll break your heart.

you argue, you cry yourself to sleep.

some days, you cant drag yourself out of bed.

but things will get better. everytime u fall down you get back up.

you grow up a lil more with each mistake. life goes on. "

oh happy day

2011-03-30T04:57:00.000+04:00

today was a happy day for me, started off with me having terrible pre-exam jitters, but i'm just thankful that days spent on memorizing all the drugs, mechanisms, adverse effects and whatnots, has finally paid off. it's not even finals but it felt like a huge burden was being lifted off my shoulders.

do you know how liberating that feels ?

speaking of exams, if you don't already know i'm not good at dealing with it , and the stress that comes with it. i will be experiencing the whole combo of panic attacks, get all fidgety and shaky, sometimes i even feel like peeing in pants. but just to clarify, i never did okay. out of nowhere, the negative vibes start kicking in and i'm almost always certain that i'll forget whatever i've been reading. well, that's just me.

but i realize, as the years pass by this extremely bad habit of mine is slowing fading away. not to say, it's totally gone, but it wouldn't be too much if i say i'm way calmer now. sure, i still get nervous and anxious, but now i will try to insert some positivity in my brain. slowly. of course, with the help of my mostly positive friends who will always tell me to stay calm and just go with the flow. whatever happens, happens. and what's the worst that could happen ? you fail, then what ? go back and study more and repeat until you pass. it's definitely not the end of the world. and so, i keep telling myself that.

did i ever tell you, it's important that you mix with the right group of friends ?
pretty sure, i did. but i can never say this enough.
your friends make of break you. and they reflect on what kinda person you really are.
so people, please. be wise in choosing whom you befriend with.
i for one, am glad that i have been blessed with really great and positive people around me.

speaking of friends, today marks the 23rd birthday of a friend who's one of the closest and dearest to me. we've been plotting and scheming since mid march, and the end result was more than satisfying, really.

Happy 23rd Birthday, baby.

like i always say, i will make sure you have an awesome birthday here.

and i thank god everyday that i have you and the rest ,

together with me here.

may you be blessed with wonderful things in your life.

today, tomorrow and always.

i love you bitch xx

i purposely chose this picture of us

i just love how silly we look here lol

the super pretty disney princess themed cupcakes that had to be ordered two weeks ahead

but isn't it worth it ?

the gift we got her.

yes, it's been in my wishlist since forever, but i know she's been wanting it too.

and now that she has it, i don't think i need it anymore.

i can just go to her room and look at it lol.

so that's another thing , off my wishlist :)

and there's something about making other people happy, that gives me an out-of-this-world kinda satisfaction. to see the smile on their faces, and some tears in this particular case, heh. i'm not lying when i say it makes me feel even happier than them, and contented in every single way possible.

i just love it when i can make someone else's day. don't you ?

Pharmaco... what ?

2011-03-25T03:30:00.000+03:00

i need you to stay and not leave my brain.

( at least until tomorrow evening )

PRETTY PLEASE !

& yes if you can't guess, i'm so sick of memorizing all kinds of drug names,

mechanisms, adverse effects, therapeutic uses and whatnots .

i'm gonna puke drugs. i swear.

but yeah, it's part and parcel of life, no ?

wish me luck.

david & goliath

2011-03-23T18:22:00.000+03:00

in between all the reading and trying not to pull my hair out (man, that was hard) , and the dozing off here and there, i found something that makes me happy.

cute PJs . yeah, i can't believe the things that make me happy sometimes.

how some people think i'm hard to please is still beyond me.

their t-shirts are pretty funky too. too bad my tshirts-wearing-days are long gone.

and then it hit me,

it's been a while since i last post up a fashion-related post. is this what med school does to you ? subconsciously make you you forget other things that bring joy and matter to you. pfft.

trust me, i have a long list of things i want and/or need ( doesn't really matter, what matters is i need to have them ) that i wanna share with all of you. and as i grow older, i notice the ever-expanding list has taken a turn, for the better i might say. more on this, in the next 5 posts maybe ? why 5 ? just because i'm gila like that.

a quick one

2011-03-23T00:04:00.001+03:00

i absolutely can't wait for this week to be over and done with.

4 colloqs in A WEEK, are you friggin' kidding me ?

sometimes i can't help but wonder, did they do this on purpose, to torture us ? hmm

the only thing i should be doing now is studying, but i kinda lost my study mojo after dinner. the 30mins-dinner-break turned into one-episode-of-OC break, then fb-and-twitter-break , and i thought some blog-walking for a bit won't hurt anyone. well guess what ? it did. one thing led to another and here i am, ass still glued to my bed with my laptop practically attached to my lap. so screwed.

the first step is to get my hands off this evil device and slowly gather the strength to get my ass up and walk to my study table ( as if my study table is 50km away ) , when in reality it's only 3 steps away, yeah literally. i shall sleep, eat and breathe Pharmacology until Friday. * cue to sing, " it's fridayyy , fridayyy, gotta get down on fridayyy " *

speaking (or in this case singing ) of which, i don't really understand this whole hype over Rebecca Black. so her song sucks, but everyone in planet earth seems to be talking about her. if anything, i think she has achieved her goal ; to be famous & talked about , thanks to all of you.

don't like, don't listen. as simple as that, no ? i prefer to " put her in the back seat " as she would say it, and enjoy other better and more interesting things in life. i strongly suggest you do the same ;)

i hate the fact that i always write borderline-psychotic post pre-exams.

to be honest , i hate substance-less post but can't help it la la la .

sorry i wasted your time, but if it's any consolation i just wasted mine too :P

the things we put off

2011-03-20T02:38:00.000+03:00

as of late,

i find myself pouring my heart out a little bit more than usual here. again, nothing emotional, just my endless random thoughts and the sudden growing ideas on some issues. but along with all these, unfortunately comes a new habit i accidentally picked up ; i tend to do/write things halfway. so that kinda explains why most of them aren't displayed here for public viewing. i myself don't understand what's going on, one second i'm like so into it, diligently writing my thoughts out, and the next, my mind would just magically escaped and ends up else where. talk about short attention span.

the best and probably the only explanation i can come up with is, after awhile i usually lose interest in sharing because most often than not, i struggle when looking for words that would fit perfectly into the story i intend to tell. and when that happens, it frustrates the living hell out of me so i simply choose to just leave it at that.

why is it so hard ?

what i usually look for is nothing bombastic, just simple but meaningful words that could somehow get the message across. just so others who care enough to read would understand. but even that seems impossible.

i want to share. i want to tell stories.

so let's hope i find these words i'm looking for pretty soon.

p/s : why is it that the mood to write always come at the wrongest time ? like when i have 4 colloqs ( tests ) to sit for next week. maybe this is my defense mechanism, the place i run to when i'm stressed out by thick notes, medical terms and other things that come with it. my happy place. yeah, maybe.

there's a side of me you'll never know

2011-03-18T14:26:00.001+03:00

i feel old. not ' oh man, i'm old, i'm gonna get wrinkles all over my face ' kind of old. definitely not that.

just old enough to be able to want something bigger and better in life. something life-changing, not just for me but for others as well. of course, the girl in me would still drool at the sight of pretty designer handbags, i admit i still have the desire to own a closet full of shoes, buy fancy clothes and all that jazz. but that's not exactly life-changing and beneficial for others you see. and i've come to realized that there's more to life than just that.

well,obviously i did not just realized like 2 seconds ago, that would just throw me into the " ignorant " circle i despise so much. people talk about changing the world, helping others, #prayforpalestin #prayforworldpeace and just recently #prayforjapan. but talking about it and actually doing something about it are totally two different things. i've had times where i thought about these things, never actually had the drive to take actions and i reckon now it's time to actually do something about it.

i've visited the orphanage a number of times, and my family usually have this " buka puasa " event with them annually. and every once in a while, my siblings and i would clear out our closets and give some of the unwanted/unused clothes to the less fortunate. i'm sure i'm not the only one who practices this, most of the people i know share the same idea too. well, that's one of the many things my parents have taught me.

but i can't help but to feel like it's not enough. i feel like doing more.

i have this sudden urge to be a blood donor. the last time i went, they said i was underweight ( yeah, it was eons ago, now i'm pretty sure i ain't underweight yo ! ) and thus are not qualified to donate blood. at that time, i believed i just wanted to do it for fun, although there's nothing really fun about having someone poking needles through your veins. but now, seeing things in different light, i wanted to do it because it's possibly the easiest way to help people. good thing i have an " O " universal donor blood type. in a way, i take it as a subtle sign for me to go and donate blood lol.

also, i would love to sign up for any form of voluntary/charity work. when i'm back in KL and have the time, that is. something simple and not very time-consuming preferably. i'm not going all out and trynna become Oprah or Angelina Jolie here. baby steps, just baby steps.

old age is definitely catching up with me and i feel the need to contribute to the society. i know what i have been doing & planning to do is nothing wow or anything to shout about, but i'm a strong believer of a little goes a long way :)

while we're at this topic, you can click Groupon and do your part. rm3 won't affect your bank account, but if you're feeling generous and you can afford it, you can always purchase more than one voucher.

11 more days left to purchase, hurry people :)

to do something good and selfless for a change, that's my intent.

" do you know why we should be very much thankful?

it's because we may never have everything,

but at least we never had nothing "

cheers

2011-03-16T04:26:00.000+03:00

tomorrow, i will find the courage to publish the post that has been in my draft for a while now. well, that's what i've been telling myself everyday.

i have a lot going on in my mind right now, but unfortunately i'm going through this phase where i refuse to let people in and prefer to keep them in the dark. so until then, there will be no personal/emotional post.

what i will tell you is how i've started eating healthily ( read : no rice ) except on weekends and special occasions. not that you asked, but it's not easy and this is a huge step considering how much i LOVE rice. but don't worry, it's not permanent. just gonna give it a try for a month and see how it goes. fine, maybe i got a little paranoid after i learned more about cardiovascular diseases. when you're skinny you thought you could eat anything, but you'll be surprise to know what's actually happening inside your body. now did i freak you out, just a lil ? lol

also, i've been visiting the gym on a weekly basis if not more, and finally got the chance to join a few classes. i've tried 4 so far ; Yoga , Abs + Upper body , Power body & Step class. they're all very fun but among all my favourite has got to be Power Body. let's hope this healthy lifestyle is here to stay :)

someone's something

2011-03-14T23:41:00.003+03:00

" so i made up my mind, i'm gonna find someone who

would love me unconditionally,

three hundred and sixty-five days a year "

- Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami

let's see if the movie is as good as the book. but then again, we all know how book-to-film adaptations always turn out to be. let's just say, a 2-hour long movie can't exactly match up to hundreds of pages of a book.

i do

2011-03-11T02:34:00.002+03:00

let's all make believe

2011-03-06T15:02:00.001+03:00

i have 4 black leggings in my closet and i couldn't even find one. that's when i know i had to something about it. so i had a massive spring cleaning. yeah, massive.

before / after

i may have lied about the before part, it was in much worse condition. this was after i threw a huge pile of clothes on the floor. so can you imagine the mess before ?

yeah, all these in the tiny closet. bad shape.

i discovered i had mild OCD (okay, actually i knew about it long time ago) when i was putting all my clothes on my hanger. the fact that my hangers aren't the same colour really bothers me. but at the same time, i didn't have the energy to go out and get a bunch of new (and same colour ) hangers. so the metal ones are for coats, white ones for cardigans and shirts, and the red ones for my going-out-mostly-sheer blouses. yeah, i'm pretty much into sheer stuff right now. if you are too, please remember to wear it with a tube/spaghetti strap, cos really, exposed bras aren't classy. at all.

everything took me at least 3 hours, and yes, i did give up halfway through leaving my pile of clothes and whatnots lying on the floor. but with the help of some happy songs i continued and the outcome is .... more than satisfying.

nothing like a well-organized and tidy closet.

the best part is when i put aside my winter clothes and chucked them in my luggage, in my balcony. i'm well aware of the always-fluctuating weather, but i have a good feeling about this. Spring is definitely on it's way :)

and i figured, while i'm in the mood to do some cleaning ( which is, very very rare ) , why not clean the whole room. moved a few stuff here and there, swept and mopped the floor, and my room is spankin' clean now. so niceeeee :)

p/s : i got lazy ( as always ) and didn't take pictures of my drawers and everything else.

put your hands up

2011-03-05T02:50:00.002+03:00

random thoughts

i should really really attend baking classes, just for the fun of it. and i am going to make it happen.

from here on out, i declare Wednesdays as Gym Day !

remind myself not to cry if the MAC Wonderwoman line is sold out tomorrow.

when i get married, i want a son first, then a daughter. so my son would beat up any boy that makes my little girl cry.

kill Adam Levine in my dream because he has been named as one of four musician coaches on NBC's new musical competition ( The Voice ) and due to that they had to postponed their concert in Moscow.

to materialize my dream walk-in wardrobe, colour-coded , complete with glass topped island with drawers in the middle, loads and loads of handbags and shoes. ( i shall talk about this little piece of heaven more next time )

consumption of the so-called ' chill pill ' will soon lead to the intake of ' i don't give two fucks pill ' .

learn burlesque. okay, i'm kidding. but it's a really good movie. definitely a must-watch !

as you can see i was already crapping towards the end, so goodnight.

Yes, even stars break

2011-02-28T00:27:00.000+03:00

i had a very laid-back Sunday, i love lah :)

and that basically puts me in a very good mood and i feel like sharing today,

so let's get personal shall we ?

i'm not gonna lie and tell you straight up that i had an emotional breakdown a few days back. god, i hate admitting these kinda things you know. things that make you sound so weak and vulnerable, it makes me sick. most often than not, i choose to keep it together and act like everything's fine. i'd like to believe that i'm a mentally strong person ( i swear to god i am ! ) and putting up a front has never been hard for me.

true enough, i've always had times where in some given circumstances i had to mingle and entertain some friends when i was actually at the lowest of my low and somehow i still managed to fake a smile, crack jokes and usually make a fool out of myself , laugh hysterically and just enjoy the company. well, sometimes just because i wouldn't want a be a party pooper. that, and also, because i'm always reminded by this saying someone wise told me - " God will never put you through anything you can't handle " . with that being said, it means that He actually believes that i can get through it, so i'm gonna do just that.

so, if ever any of you are going through a hard time, just keeping telling yourself that. it works for me, will surely work for you too :)

getting back to the story of my emotional breakdown, this time it was slightly different. i had this little voice in my head telling me that i'm only human and sometimes it's okay to cry. (even so, it is still advisable to avoid doing it in public) . and it's pretty normal to feel sad and lonely. so the best remedy at that time was to let it out and talk to someone, anyone. although, i've always had this idea planted in my head that it's better to keep it inside, so that way, the only person who can judge you is yourself. not entirely wrong, if you ask me. but if you did choose the right people to talk to, things might be different.

i gave it a shot and i have to say, that little voice was right.

i felt a sense of relief, almost like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.

and to those who had to listen to me cry and then begin to proceed and speak in a foreign language that i myself can't comprehend, i thank you. that wasn't easy for me, i'm sure it wasn't easy for you too.

also in the lecture hall where we both had to whisper, while i pour my heart out. and at times i had to stop, just to hold back my tears ( cos hell no, i'm not gonna cry in the lecture hall you moron lol ) , regain my composure and continue venting. that did me good.

all i have to say is, i have a great support system. and sometimes, that makes me wonder - what would i do without them ?

several reasons

2011-02-24T03:10:00.000+03:00

i have a lot going through my mind, as of late and i can't seem to find the right words for it.

have you ever been in that position ? it annoys the living hell outta you, doesn't it ?
i'm all for getting it off my chest and ranting to friends or just anyone who would listen.
but seriously, how can you do that when you don't even know what is wrong.

so really, my only wish right now is for someone, anyone for that matter , to be able to listen to these little voices in my head and do me a favor and tell me what the hell is going on.
cos i for one, am clueless.

sigh .

maybe deep in my heart, i'm concealing things i'm longing to say

or maybe i don't say anything because really, there is nothing to say.

maybe , i'm over-thinking , as always.

but for all we know, it's actually due to the lack of sleep i've been experiencing these past few days. let's all hope so :)

whatever this disturbing feeling is, it better be gone soon enough.

cos honestly, i'd rather ( and i have to also ) spend my time on some Pharmacology & Topan among other subjects. because this final semester of 3rd year doesn't look anything like easy.

so yeah, it's either those things or my loyal companion, my beloved series.
all 10 of them, i love each and everyone of you equally.

okay, early day tomorrow. why the hell am i still up ? * slaps self *

goodnight world .

waiting is all we can do

2011-02-21T20:01:00.002+03:00

you got what i need

2011-02-16T21:04:00.000+03:00

i swear all this shopping urges only come when i'm in Moscow. that's what i tweeted earlier and it seems that no one believed me. but i'm still sticking to it, only in Moscow. mainly due to depression and loneliness lol.

so after being here for less than 3 days, i went shopping. and i gotta say the Topshop buy 1 free 1 sale is friggin' awesome. the prices are already slashed to half, and on top of that you get another piece for free. they must have lost their mind. i did too. how can i not? i came back with a skinny jeans and a super pretty shrug , both for like rm80. this is your cue to say " Wow ".

i kinda made a promise to myself to not shop when i'm back, because i need to save up if i wanna travel this April and June. can't be asking your parents for money all the time, no? but this doesn't really count cos well, it's sale. and i think i did a good job keeping myself away from the new arrivals and non-sale items. now say, " well done ".

since we're in this topic, let me just say i've fallen in love with Le Pliage Longchamp. i'm sure most of you have already heard of this, but if you don't , click here

now i'm torn between what colours and what initials to choose.

decisions. decisions.

so how now?

i'll leave to you guys to decide while i go do my Pharma MCQ.

toodles.

right through me

2011-02-14T18:30:00.000+03:00

i am now blogging from the other end of the world, yeah i'm back here, you know where.

sigh. still feels bloody surreal to me. just as i'm about to get comfortable with my pretty laid-back life in KL, my winter holidays had to end, and a new semester just had to start. it's like a pretty vicious cycle, that's what it is.

being here for almost 3 years, i've been going back more than a couple of times you would thought that it'd get easier over time to leave KL, you thought wrong. it just gets harder and harder. but let's not talk about that depressing matter, for i know i won't be able to stop. but you should know that it won't be easy for me to sleep tonight.

so anyways, this was my first time travelling with Thai Airways, before this i've always been a loyal passenger of Emirates but i decided i needed a change, and i liked it.

i love how it's so colourful. from the seats, to the plates and cups they use to serve us, it's just too cute. speaking of colours, have you seen my newly pimped phone.

diana F+ CMYK inspired

told you i love colours. i like to think of it as one of the many ways to brighten up my day, literally :)

their selection of movies was not bad either. i was excited when i saw two of the movies i've been meaning to see in the list. The Romantics and Morning Glory. i watched both and i personally think it didn't live up to my expectations, not that it was even high in the first place. they were both quite slow and not entertaining. not to mention, the storyline sucks. if you have watched, please tell me you feel the same way.

but another movie i recently watched was highly amusing, i feel like it's been awhile since i last saw a really good rom-com movie. this, is definitely a must-watch.

some of my favourite quotes from the movie :-

" it's like a crime scene in my pants "

" i'm warning you, if you take one step closer, i'm never letting you go "

and this is, my ultimate favourite

" you make my heart have premature ventricular contraction "

which in an easier way to understand is, " you make my heart skip a beat ", but Ms Portman decided to use such term because she's supposed to be a doctor in this movie. pfft. but i think it's cute. heh

now i can't wait to watch , " the roomate " , " just go with it " and " friends with benefits ". yes, i love watching movies, all thanks to my movie buff boyfriend, i am now one too.

mhmm

2011-02-07T13:49:00.000+03:00

we can control a lot of things,

but our heart is not one of them.

like whoa

2011-02-01T07:18:00.000+03:00

well hello there February,

i don't think you look that promising.

speaking of which, one of my many February wishes is for my flabby tummy to turn into flat, firm abs. yes, i know it's almost impossible at the rate i'm going ( food-wise ) , but it's okay to dream.

if any of you think i'm just one of those mengada skinny girls who just love to whine endlessly and think they're fat when they're not, well wait till i show my flabs. haa, tau takut !

okay, that was just my inner superficial-self. moving on to more relevant topics, cos seriously, who cares if my tummy is flabby? lol

so hello ! i know i've been neglecting this space for quite some time, and i don't feel guilty at all. okay, maybe just a teeny weeny bit. but whatever. i've been having too much fun, it's gonna be hard to adapt to boring and dull Moscow when i'm back. this might be the only thing i hate about coming back for holidays , i DREAD going back. and it gets harder every time. WHY OH WHY ?

what have i been up to?

i went to Melaka with my lovelies. we went into at least 5 hotels and ended up at the last one. took our own sweet time at Jonker Street and i almost cried when the first ikan bakar place was closed. went to the 2nd one, and that's when saw the light at the end of the tunnel again, and of course, ate like there's no tomorrow. stopped at this random funfair which was pretty empty at that time ( it was 1.30am, what do you expect ) , but i think i screamed a lil bit too loud on the 'ali baba' ride and woke the whole Melaka up lol

had a very impromptu BBQ, which was at first, supposed to be just us siblings. but somehow turned into everyone's BBQ, people i know and i don't know came and naturally we ran out of food supply and had to get more. but it was a fun night, nonetheless :)

and OMG, i went to watch Khurafat with the girls, sumpah it was crazy scary. i gotta say, i didnt expect that especially from a Malay scary movie. it is a must-watch. i think i pissed in my pants just a little. yeah, THAT scary. never in my life have i scream that loud and long, multiple times in a cinema. it was almost like a roller-coaster ride. yeah, that's how i'd like to put it. since i'm too lazy to elaborate, you should read Baby's post on it, here .

been watching way too many movies, old and new, with the boyfriend. all these years together, he has somehow turned me into a movie freak, just like him. not complaining though :)

remember how i told you i've lost the desire to shop? well, turned out i was wrong. the desire came back out of nowhere, and now i'm broke as hell. NOT funny.

another reason why i'm broke, been eating out way too much lately. but it's interesting to try out new places, that's one of my favourite past time. in my list before i go back , Fat Spoon, The Meatworks , Plan B, Rama V and that's all i can think of for now.

i finally , like finally, tried out brazillian wax. i strongly recommend Strip for waxing of any kind, the ambience and the staffs are all nice. in terms of price, might be slightly expensive than other places but totally worth it. now, if only i get paid for advertising and promoting this place.

contrary to popular belief, i actually hate drama or anything related to it. be it family drama, friend drama etc. but somehow i always get trapped in between. but at the same time, it gives me a sense of satisfaction when i'm able to help, in any way. but haih, we could all make this world a better place by just growing up. no, really.

okay, that's all for now.

13 days to go, spend it wisely.

looking forward to our Taman Negara visit this weekend :)

never let me go

2011-01-21T21:39:00.000+03:00

in case you don't already know, that's the title a movie i just watched recently. it moved me in such a remarkable way, i was strongly driven to say a thing or two about the movie. first off, let me just say it's the kind of movie you either love or hate, nothing in between. i, for one, happen to fall into the first category.

throughout the movie i kept reminding myself to google and go on IMDB later to find out more about the story behind it. and i did just that. ah well, i'm curious like that, sue me.

and then i found a review by this particular guy, and i somehow feel like he just read my mind and simply took words out of my mouth. whatever he says in this review, is exactly what i feel about the movie. it's refreshing when you find something/someone you could relate to, don't you think?

read the review here

beautiful, profound, moving

it reveals great truths ; That life is short, your choices have consequences, and at the end none of us may feel we've had enough time to love, or just get things right.

But to me, Never Let Me Go is the "feel good movie of the year," precisely because it tells the truth: life is beautiful because there are hopes and dreams, love and loss, tears and tragedies.

One final note: Keira Knightley and Andrew Garfield are excellent in their roles, but Carey Mulligan is the standout -- she shows a wisdom and weariness far beyond her years, and handles difficult emotional material with a sublime restraint that makes the whole thing work. I feel we are witnessing the early work of the next Audrey Hepburn, Sarah Miles, or Vanessa Redgrave.

- Dick Sanders , IMDB

think beautiful thoughts

2011-01-20T17:30:00.001+03:00

just because i'm too lazy to update with words

P.Ramlee & Saloma themed wedding @ Saloma Bistro

baby azel's cukur jambul

candy table

baby cradle

wedding @ Mandarin Oriental

that'll do for now, toodles X

fun with a capital F

2011-01-20T00:23:00.000+03:00

i tried something new on Monday ; water zorbing.

tiring, yes. makes you all sweaty, yes. but still super duper fun. i think i had a really good laugh in the waterball. the stomach-aching, back aching, tearful laughs.

you guys should try it :))

the hightlight of the day was of course when Remy & Liyana's ball bocor in the middle of the lake and they got all wet. lol. the abang claimed that it has never happened before, but we scored a free paddleboat ride to compensate haha

since we hardly ever go to Putrajaya, might as well make full use of it while we were there. went to visit nurul's mom's cafe and took picture just for her to see. yes, thoughtful friends we are. then to liyana's new house which was still under construction. it's so pretty, and we all can't wait to have our girly sleepover there. after that, remy insisted we drop by his mom's bakery, and so we did just that.

on the way back, i went to Jezmine's shop to collect my stuff and of course, ended up buying more stuff from her shop. i can never leave her shop without buying something. what is wrong with me? but i convinced myself that it's okay since i haven't been shopping lately.

such a productive day, i like :)

it's a beautiful world

2011-01-17T22:03:00.000+03:00

what i'm not happy about :

1) not being able to use my own laptop to come online certainly sucks. it's making everything 10x harder and complicated than it already is.

2) the fact that my parcel of books is yet to make an appearance. i'm so so so upset, that's rm300+ worth of book. ( Nanue, it's not your fault, if anything it's the courier's fault, so do not blame yourself k? )

3) that i'm gonna leave KL & go back to the godforsaken land in less than a month's time.

4) fail in keeping track of my series

on the other hand,

things i'm happy about :

1) the fact that i've been waking up early almost everyday, which also means i've been spending my holidays wisely.

2) endless consumption of really really good food

3) been going weddings non-stop. i love weddings and everything that comes with it. the best part of it, you get to see almost everyone at the same time.

4) went to Penang, Bandung and PD in the span of 2 weeks

5) an anniversary gift i'm so very much in love with. more on this on the next post :))

what's new ?

1) i went back to being a brunette, it's wayyy darker than my old hair colour and i'm loving it. ( but these past few days, somehow the colour went a shade lighter and i've no idea why. hmm

2) i have completely lost the desire to shop. * cue to gasp * okay, maybe the usage of the word " completely " here is a bit of an exaggeration but really, i haven't been shopping much. i can't even remember when was the last time i browse through online shopping websites.

3) this might not be new to you, but yeah i think i've gained a couple ( or more ) kilos. and my face is rounder than ever. i would highly appreciate it if you don't mention it or mistaken it for a ball.

4) i tried waxing for the first time ever and it hurts like a motherfu*cker. but then again, i'm the person with a super duper low pain threshold, not to mention a drama queen too, so yeah.

5) and oh i almost forgot, i finally permed my hair. been wanting a change for my boring hair for awhile but was too much of a chicken to do anything about it sooner.

that's all for today, i'm too tired and i've an early day tomorrow. planning to try the water zorbing thingy tomorrow with the girls. toodles X